EPISODE 010 | APPLE PODCASTS | SPOTIFY

In a previous episode, we discussed the importance of SETTING AND WORKING TOWARDS YOUR GOALS. But what happens when the opinions of others start to creep in and affect your progress?

In this episode, we'll discuss why it's crucial to focus on your own vision and aspirations, share personal stories, and provide six practical steps to help you stay on track and overcome the fear of other people's judgments. So, let's dive right in and learn how to build that resilience and confidence needed to make your dreams a reality.

I would love you to focus on what you want to achieve, how your goals will positively change your life and worry much less about other people’s views. Maybe though, that’s harder to do than it is to say?

Let’s assume your goals are ambitious but are not impossible –  they sit outside of your comfort zone, require growth and learning, a new approach, something that is very different from your norm, and you know that if you don’t stretch yourself, that if you don’t learn and find the solutions, you will be holding yourself back from achieving your dream.

What if specifically, as you begin to ask questions, explore new ideas, and look to grow, two things happen: people start to voice their negative opinions and thoughts and you start believing them.

It takes a huge amount of self-belief to ignore those negative comments, but it is essential to do so and I would love to help you.

MY OWN EXPERIENCE

When I first started my creative business, those around me dismissed my ideas, they could only imagine a version of floristry that they had in their own minds – but I knew I wanted to create and build something different.

I had big dreams and unique ideas that sat authentically with me, and when I began to work on my own key goals and talk openly about what I was doing, often those around me couldn’t picture the same vision and were outwardly sceptical, and at times laughed. Had I stopped following my own dreams and paid close attention to what others around me were saying, let their feedback and thoughts overtake my own clear vision, and become worried about what others were thinking and saying, I would not be writing this today.

You cannot control other people’s thoughts or actions. Nor is it healthy to even try. The only person you can control is yourself. Most importantly, how you choose to react to someone else’s response and secondly, what actions you take to keep moving forwards.

When we take things personally and react negatively to another’s point of view, we are giving them more power over us than they should ever be allowed to have. We are inviting drama into our lives, which is exhausting, and from research, we know that today, social drama is one of the biggest distractions we face, taking up huge amounts of our energy and time, taking us away from working towards our positive, life affirming goals.

Now, I know this is sometimes easier said than done, and we are all susceptible to it. Occasionally for example I will receive a negative comment via social media, and it can be hard not to be distracted and impacted by this. I always make time to listen to everyone and if I feel there is positive learning to come from a constructive comment, I will reply with gratitude. If, however, it’s simply negative and I’m struggling to quickly move on, I will talk it through with a friend, someone at work or my husband, I purposefully ask for support from someone who I know won’t engage with the drama and instead, will help me to see it as simply negative time wasting (usually in a humorous way, which always helps enormously!).

By focussing on other’s opinions, being concerned to the point of distraction, wastes a huge amount of energy and time, precious time that we could instead be devoting to achieving our goals.

EXTRAORDINARY RESEARCH

Through research, I’ve discovered that on average, most adults are distracted 60mins a day by social drama; during a working week, that’s five hours per week. An average working week is 40 hours, 48 weeks of the year … therefore, we are wasting SIX WORKING WEEKS a year on social drama (although, I think in reality it is probably much more) – just think of the incredible goal you could accomplish if you had six weeks to devote entirely to it, and how that will shape your life positively!

I really hope that by me sharing the above statistics, the very next time you feel yourself becoming distracted by someone’s comments, you will remember these figures and it will help you to quickly move on. For me, these figures hugely opened my eyes and they have helped me enormously to become more resilient and far less likely to spend time worrying what other people think.

And if you are not working on a specific goal just now, replace unnecessary drama with positive, mindful acts instead – whether it is time spent learning, researching new ideas, or simply taking time for a walk, seeking out the beauty around you and gently clearing your head.

a personal story

I would love to share a story with you about my son; it’s a story I shared a few weeks ago on Instagram and it resonated with so many … if you have read it before, I hope you enjoy it again and if it’s new to you, I hope if offers inspiration …

We are a family of dyslexics and rather than it being a potential hindrance, we see it as something hugely positive. For our middle boy, (in possession of excellent future life skills -leadership, teamwork and empathy) his dyslexia has been a huge challenge at school … until recently!

My son is 14 years old and uses a laptop in school. As we were chatting the other day, he said laptops are great, but he also hates them, because when he misspells, a prominent red line appears under each word, which is clear for anyone around him to see. So instead of fully immersing himself into writing, he worries what others think and is constantly focused on correcting the misspelt words.

In the last couple of weeks though, he has had a breakthrough, he no longer worries about what others around him might think.

As a result, he now loves writing … and this seemingly small shift has had a much greater impact on his school life. Previously, he only really enjoyed school for friendships, now he’s embracing everything it has to offer … he’s been selected for the swim team, received an academic award, the list continues. An entire new world has just opened to him from this one singular shift.

I can fully relate to all his initial feelings of worry (I was exactly the same at school), as I’m sure many of us can. His inspiring mind shift beautifully demonstrates that it can often be just one thing in our lives that holds us back from fully embracing and achieving our goals, and it’s almost always a fear of what others might think.

Take the time to build that inner resilience. Learn to shrug things off. The more you practice it, the more confident you will become. This mind set will allow you to tackle life’s hurdles and all the exciting, unexpected chapters that are thrown your way.

INNER CONFIDENCE

And once you have mastered this, the more challenging tasks on your To-Do list become so much easier and in turn, your ambitious goals become reachable and ultimately a reality.  All of the steps needed to achieve your ambitions are possible. Nothing can hold you back. Alongside shrugging off any negative and unhelpful comments, you can also become bold about reaching out, to ask others for help and advice, again without worry. Simply make the call, write the email, send the DM.

Not worrying what people think and reaching out for their help to achieve your goals opens networks, it starts relationships, it introduces you to people that you can have brilliant friendships with. And all of this simply makes your life better, richer and more colourful.

Small, out of your comfort zone steps – baby ones at first and bigger later on - begin a cycle of you putting yourself out there, driving yourself forward. Not only this, but it will also give you that sense of dynamism, excitement and confidence. I promise you, that comfort zone which once seemed so cosy will soon feel dull, as you continue to climb higher and higher.

SIX STEPS TO HELP SUPPORT YOU:

1. BE OPEN MINDED - Be open and listen to other people’s points of views, you never know where a nugget of information might come from.

2. BE GRACIOUS – When someone’s view doesn’t align with your vision, always be polite and grateful for their time, even if their suggestions don’t feel particularly positive (it’s the quickest and easiest way to remove any potential drama) and simply dismiss, choosing not to give it any more thought. Often talking it through with someone else, who is less emotionally connected, will help you to move forwards.

3. ACKNOWLEDGE DISTRACTION - When someone is negative to you, acknowledge how it makes you feel, be kind to yourself if it is upsetting. Then use that energy and turn it around, re-focus on your goals and what you are trying to achieve. Action a few positive steps to reaffirm your belief in yourself, to take your forwards and make you feel good.

4. SEEK NEW SKILLS – Actively seek new skills and learning, align yourself with others who are achieving their goals, be inspired by their methods and apply them authentically to your own learnings. Focus on the positivity that comes with learning new skills.

5. FOCUS ON GROWTH - As you grow, your growth is likely to be noticed by others around you, sometimes reactions can be based on jealously, and it’s so important at this stage, that you put your blinkers on and remain focussed on your own goals.

6. YOUR CHOICE – If you feel any niggling negativity creep back in, know that it can easily build and become a significant distraction and mentally exhausting. Acknowledge that you can choose where to spend your time and energy, and quickly focus again on the positive steps, as you work towards your goals.

I hope that the stories shared and the six steps outlined have provided you with valuable insights and practical tools to help you stay on track and build your resilience.

Remember that your journey is unique, and your goals are worth pursuing, no matter what others may say or think. Embrace the power of focusing on your own vision and aspirations, and watch as the world around you becomes more vibrant and fuller of opportunities.

Until next time, keep pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and continue to climb higher and higher. Here's to achieving your goals and living a more fulfilling life.

And as always, I would love to hear your thoughts and your own experiences; you are always very welcome to send me direct messages on Instagram.

Warmest,
Philippa x